


You can't even say those three words back

by lumenlunae



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25754881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumenlunae/pseuds/lumenlunae
Summary: A short recap of Mickey's and Ian's relationship, accompanied by Marina Lin's song ,,this is what rejection feels like''.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Kudos: 12





	You can't even say those three words back

It’s been a week since I’ve seen your face  
,,Where are you Mickey?’’ Ian whispers. Only he can hear it. A dull sound leaves his mouth. Not loud enough to disturb Lip’s snoring. He knows how to keep his mouth shut. No other chance in this house. However, somehow, he still wishes someone would listen. No, not someone. Not Mandy. Not Lip. Mickey. Damn, he fell hard for this dude.   
Sometimes, Ian wonders why he’s never able to have a happy relationship. But then again, Ian feels like he’s the only one pursuing this goal. Mickey wants a quick fuck, he thinks. Ian’s confused. Why him? Not like Mickey couldn’t have someone else. Damn him and his fucking beautiful eyes.

I had my doubts but I fell in deep  
Ian’s in the truck. Mickey’s there too. The other dudes are on their way to Lloyd’s house already. He’s worried. Yeah, it’s an old lady in there, but he’s still worried about Mickey. There are noises in the back of the truck. Mickey must join them, Ian thinks. He’s right. Mickey’s jumping out of the truck. Ian clenches his fists. He glances in the wing mirror, attempting to catch a glimpse of the familiar striking silhouette.   
A sudden presence behind him startles him. It’s Mickey. And it’s his lips on his own. It’s over way too soon for Ian to realise what just happened. Mickey’s running towards the door, leaving him confused in the truck. Ian feels the grin on his face growing. Whatever that was for, he’s not gonna question it. He still senses a flimsy tingling on his lips, where their worlds collided. Until he hears the gunshot.

But I know this feeling, I call it history  
,,Do it’’, Ian screams. He’s asking for hurt. It must somehow fit what he’s feeling on the inside. And Mickey delivers. First punch in the gut. Ian crunches down. It hurts. Not the punch, the fact that Mickey did it. But Ian won’t play along with his games. He knows his truth. ,,You love me’’, he stammers in Mickey direction. ,,Fucking admit it.’’, he adds. Mickey doesn’t even turn around at first. And then, faster than Ian realises, he hits him again. Ian falls. Breaks down, until he’s laying on the ground. The blood on his face seeps through the high grass into the ground. He’s alone. Mickey left him.

You can’t even say those three words back  
,,Don’t’’, Mickey utters. Ian freezes. Did Mickey really say that? Or is his head playing games, knowing he’s head over heals for this dude? It must have been a mistake. Mickey cannot care. He simply cannot. Cause if he does, Ian is obligated to stay. And everything would be alright. Well, not really, but better than him leaving. But it’s too late to change that now. ,,Don’t what?’’, Ian asks. Mickey doesn’t respond. He turns around. Glances back. Turns back again.  
Slowly, Ian turns around. Turning his back on Mickey. Off to a new start, somewhere without him. After all, everything he said was ,don’t’.

And I don’t know how I’m still intact  
Mickey finds him lying on the ground, next to the club. He doesn’t respond. Mickey winces. It hurts to see him like this. Slowly, he picks him up and gently places his unconscious body on his shoulder. If he thought seeing him inside there was hard, this is worse. He carries him home. Placing him on his bed, Mickey thinks about just leaving. He can’t. He stays. Lighting his cigarette, he glances at Ian. He doesn’t avert his gaze one second.

You mean to me what I never meant to you  
,,You love Mickey?’’, Carl asks. Ian pauses his exercise. ,,I like how he smells’’, he responds. Does everyone think he loves him? Are they secretly laughing at him, knowing damn well he’s chasing a dream he can’t reach? Stop, he tells himself. He continues practice. Not like this debate will change anything.

Here I am still waiting around  
,,You’re living a lie, aren’t you?’’, Ian asks. Mickey defends himself. But he knows damn well that he’s lying. Nothing Mickey will say now can change that. He thinks so, at least. Until Mickey responds. ,,What you and I have’’, he pauses. ,,Makes me free’’. Ian doesn’t respond anymore.

Now I’m hurting  
Ian’s angry. He builds up in front of Mickey. ,,You’re a coward. You’re afraid to be who you are.’’ Those are the words he says. Words that feel like icicles, stabbing Mickey right through his chest. But Ian doesn’t care. He leaves.  
And Mickey does what he feels is his only option right now. ,,Hey! Excuse me’’, he screams, banging on the table. He doesn’t see Ian freezing at the door. The people at the bar gather around him. ,,I just want everybody here to know, I’m fucking gay’’, he bursts out. Ian holds his breath. He did it. Mickey fucking did it. Mickey turns around. ,,You happy now?’’, he asks Ian. Ian can see the hurt in his eyes. Hurt he doesn’t want Mickey to every feel. Ian wishes he could take the hurt away form him. 

I’d hurt again for you.  
Slowly, Mickey opens his eyes. The wounds on his nasal ridge and his temples ache. He sits up. Turning around, he sees Ian, lying in the bed beside him. Without notice, he lifts his arm and gently strokes across Ian’s sleeping face. He knows this is how he wants to spend his forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.This is based on the song ‘this is what rejection feels like’ by Marina Lin. Check it out, it’s an amazing song. Very fitting for them, if you ask me.  
> Also, don’t get me wrong, I love happy Gallavich. But I also love suffering, apparently.  
> Feedback is always welcome!


End file.
